Domestic Violence Follow Up

So let's talk about how I absolutely loved the Oprah show. Although, I wish that we could have focused on the topic wayyyy before the incident between Chris and Rihanna (But we didn't so I will get over it). Anywho...

I think that the show should be a lesson for EVERYONE, not just men, but women as well. There were several points that stood out to me. Here are a few listed below:

~Upbringing and environment of men
For me, just like "you are what you eat" you most definitely "are the company you keep." Children absorb everything that is around them so if their guardians, or whomever they are constantly around behave or communicate negatively then they will act out what they see.

~There are difficulties within relationships but it's how you deal with them
I feel that no relationship is immune to having arguments or disagreements however, there is a limit. Sometimes you just have to walk away and come back later.

~Communication is key
It's one of the major factors in making a relationship work and allowing for progress within the relationship. And I don't mean the slamming the door, breaking dishes (no pun intended. Ri Ri does have a song called Breakin' Dishes), and yelling kind of communication either. I mean the choosing the convenient time and place that is comfortable for both parties involved to openly express emotions.

~Seek counseling
Unfortunately, some don't know how to control their anger. However, what about counseling people. I hate it when people shy away from counseling or make it seem like you have to be crazy to go to seek professional help. I loved that Kevin Powell said that he went to counseling for 20 years and he continues to go because it gives him the daily strength he needs. He also made a point that counseling helps to "get to the root of what causes one to be angry so that one can heal."

My final thoughts are that there are various forms of abuse besides physical. There's also emotional and verbal abuse. Words can be equally painful as a hit and punch. This is serious. I's not a joke.

By the way, I do believe that one can redeem themselves if they are guilty of being an abuser. The person just has to WANT to get better.

Also, if you missed the show I will try to post snippets or you can just go to O's website.

'Til next time spread the word and share some love!

Lots of Hugs and tons of Smooches!

Domestic Violence

Is it just me or does it seem like now that Chris and Rihanna got into a domestic dispute everyone wants to "air out all of their dirty laundry" and speak about being abused or being the abuser?

Last week Oprah, had a show with guest Tyra Banks that discussed the two lovebirds situation. O really stressed that, "Love doesn't hurt," she says. "And if a man hits you once, he will hit you again."

Today, O will do a follow up to last week's show and have experiences from a few men who have been abusive to women in the past. She will also have an appearance by Robin Givens. Robin Givens???? Hmmmmmm, this shall be very interesting.

SIDENOTE: I feel like some people will do anything to get some spotlight. Don't get me wrong the situation was messed up, but why weren't these people shouting out loud about this ish before? Did they have to wait until a celebrity was battered in order speak against an issue that common folk face everyday?!

Anywho, be sure to check it out today on WABC/Channel 7 @ 4:00 P.M. Can't wait to read your comments tomorrow. I would love to know what others think. More to come...

Have a rockin' Ebo-Licious Day

Until next time, lots of Hugs and tons of Smooches!

Back in Session

WHAT'S HAPPENIN'?!

I know many of you have been wondering where I have been hiding (I seriously have been avoiding some people and certain places forreal). I'm so sick and tired of hearing my friends/family say that they can't find a job, they got fired, or they are working at a job they absolutely hate (I definitely can relate to this one). This "recession ish is despressing" (None other than Jay said it betta).

I just needed some time to blow off some steam, let loose, and live life day to day not knowing what's going to happen tomorrow...

It's not that I'm not being a good friend/loved one, it's just that I'm a "small fish in the sea" trying to "get in where I fit in like water" (yeah I stole the lingo Mr. Nelly Nelz).

Speaking of living day to day, for me, sippin' on a cold glass of tea while listening to Mrs. MJB surely makes my soul smile...

So what about you? What do you do to live your life? Who or what is your escape? Is it a special someone? A certain drink? Some zesty boo loving?

Please do kiss and tell. You never know. Your remedy may be my remedy. We can swap
spit, oops, I mean ideas.

Shine On!

I had an amazing Sunday with the beautiful ladies of "Salon de Shine." This is our last Salon of the year and Michaela changed the spot from her Bk loft to Georgia. Owned by entrepreneur and fly girls Jodie Patterson and her sister-in-law Kierra. This is the chicest, most warm and friendly boutique ever. This place offers products and services so its an all in one stop and shop kinda thing. They have everything from satin pillow cases, clutches, shampoos and conditioners. They even have some interesting pieces of jewelry. But there is one product that they have that is definitely irresistible. That is the self made lotion called Gold. That is exactly what it felt like as I tested it on my hands. Of course, I was initially hesitant. But I witnessed customer after customer come in and head straight to the table that had the Gold on it. The last confirmation that reassured me that Gold is a fantastic product was a middle aged man coming into the shop and requesting the product for his wife. I quickly put a jar on hold at the counter and continued to check out the rest of the boutique. Our Get 'em Girl Shakara Bridges also returned with her infamous red velvet cupcakes that we just can't get enough of. So we sipped, nibbled and talked. After we talked about our beauty with Jodie and Kierra we topped the evening off with a serenade from Gordon Chambers (songwriter of many well known tunes such as Brownstone's "If you Love me.") Before I left, I was sure to get my Gold. I was all smiles. And just as Ray Charles sang "Other arms reach out to me/other eyes smile tenderly/still in peaceful dreams I see/The road leads back to you/Oh Georgia, Georgia/No peace, no peace I find/Just an old, sweet song/Keeps Georgia on my mind" I hymned on my train ride all the wayyyyyyy home.

Can't wait to see my FlY SiStaS in '09...

Black is the new Black~MAD

Michaela could not have said it any better. I had a salon with Michaela Angela Davis at her loft yesterday with a few other urbanistas. We had a discussion about the politics of style with June Ambrose.

It is my hope that 2009 will definitely not be a colorless year for the fashion industry and other forms of entertainment. Designers and such will shift from the standard images of beauty to something that Black women can relate to. Thus far, the fashion worlds idea of beauty is to be stick skinny, blond hair, blue eyed, porcelain white skin. An ethnic girl cannot relate to these standards. It will be interesting to see if more ads and runways include varied skin tones, full lips, and other beautiful characteristics of Black women now that our First Lady is Black.

June Ambrose stated, "Like the bold, beautiful, and fearless Michelle Obama we are all first ladies!"I agree.

The wonderful thing about a Black woman is that she comes in all skin tones/complexions, shapes and sizes, and has unique features that no one else can BUY. Black women are fly. We have been hot stuff from day one and we are the ones who create fashion. When we had nothing else we had our hair, our style, and our bodies. We might not have had any money but "I might be broke, but I'm not going to go around looking broke" is the motto. Black women is style, flare, and pizazz. No one can ever take that away from us. We embrace it and so should the designers.

My Black is....

E-Effective

B-Bold

O-Official

N-Noble

Y- forever Youthful

What is your Black?

THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING

A friend of mine says " What are you so happy about? What are the smiles for?" I replied "Obama won. A change has come and it's time for reinvention!" For him, this was not such a great reason to smile although he voted for Obama. He just sees him as another Black man. He does not see this so called CHANGE.

In response to his comment, I say that yes there is one change that we see so far, and that is witnessing a Black man being elected as President of America. However, this does not take away from what America has done to Black people as a whole. Yes Blacks have been held back from earned wealth and education, but let's move forward.

Not forget but forward.

Let's prove that we are entitled to what has been denied to us time and time again. Of course, it doesn't take just a Black President to make things happen. Communities make things happen. Unifying with one another makes people take us seriously. Mr. President Obama is just the skin of the apple. The flesh and the core are his young and gifted followers/believers that will transform this country into a place where Blacks can feel like they belong 100%.

OVERWHELMING EXPERIENCE!

I am usually claustrophobic when it comes to a large crowd and a small space. However, I was not going to miss last night's victory in Harlem. The celebration in Harlem is the biggest celebration in a public space that I have been to in a long time. Young and old, Black, White, Asian, and Hispanic were out in the masses. There was tons of hugging, dancing, screaming, shouting, and of course tears of joy streaming down the faces of many. No one could hold back their emotions. Sam Cooke was right when he said that a "change was gonna come." And my God it did. They shouted "Yes we CAN!" Then it was quickly changed to "Yes we DID."

I am beyond ecstatic that Barack Obama is the first Black president of the United States. It is so amazing that Barack did not run for President as a "Black man." He ran for president as a Colorless husband and father who had a dream of making an impact on his country. Throughout this year long campaign, Obama played like a true champion. He was composed and respectful of the Republican party. Although the Republican party used various tactics to try to sabotage him, Barack chose to remain on the "high road" by refusing to retaliate.

It is relieving to have someone like Barack in this position. To see someone that the majority friends, family, and I can relate to is more than a dream come true. I feel honored to have this privilege. It is exuberant to know that there is someone different from the monolithic images that we see of Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson (Don't get me wrong I support these leaders, but we are progressing and so should our goals and tactics). I call on all Black and non Black Americans to give Obama the support that he will need during his entire term. We cannot stop here. We must reinvent ourselves. The change starts with each individual person, then it extends and trickles down to other people. There should be no more excuses for not doing anything to better yourself and your spirits. You can achieve anything you want!

After last night's victory, I regained a new and deeper respect for a Black man and the Black family unit. I respect my Black brothers, but at times when I see the the reinforcement of the negative images of a Black man being an abset father, felon, drug dealer, "ghetto" and many other expletives, I begin to internalize these thoughts. In turn, I believe them because its all that you see. But as of yesterday, I believe that Barack's victory will dispel all of these negative stereotypes and uplift the Black man. I am hoping that all Black men can gain a sense of trust in their government. I also hope that they will have the confidence that is needed to know that they are Kings and they hold the key to their success.

A Black man is a powerful being and second to God he is the leader of the family. When I see Obama, Michelle and their two lovely daughters it gives me hope that I too can have a solid family structure that is unbreakable. Coming from a broken family with only my mother as the leader 100% of the time, I lost faith that I would ever be able to have a wonderful husband and children. Broken family units definitely outweigh the "perfect" ones in my world. The closest tight knit family that most lower to middles class families from my neighborhood seen were the Huxtables. They certainly were not tangible.

When I would see shows based on weddings. I would always hear women, mainly white, say that they "always dreamed of marrying the man of their dreams and being a princess since they were younger." For me, this was not a thought. Recently I begin to think of these things. The concept of living the American dream with the beautiful family and the house with the white picket fence was certainly not an item on my check list. Not because I did not want it, but because I did not think it could be possible. However, it is possible. Now that Barack is President it is time for those degrading images we see of Black families to change to something positive so that Black girls and boys can dream of finding happiness within themselves and their family.

Of course, nothing happens over night. Progression takes time. Barack has a lot of mess to clean up in that White House. However, we will do it together. We have to continue to be excited and willing to make a change.

Let's not just talk about it, let's be about it!